When you hear the word anniversary, your mind might go to roses, chocolates, or fancy dinners. But not all anniversaries are joyful. Trauma anniversaries mark the time—whether a specific date, season, or month—when a traumatic event occurred. And for many people, these anniversaries bring an emotional weight that can affect their mental and physical well-being.
In this post, we’ll explore how to recognize trauma anniversaries, how to cope with them, and how to support loved ones during these difficult times.
What Is a Trauma Anniversary?
A trauma anniversary is the recurrence of the date or season when a traumatic event happened. While trauma is a deeply personal experience (what’s traumatic for one person may not be for another), what matters most is how your brain and body remember the event.
For example, two people may be in the same car accident. One may feel fine driving again within days, while the other may experience anxiety or panic at the thought of getting behind the wheel for months or even years. That’s the power of emotional memory and the impact of trauma.
Recognizing trauma anniversaries helps us understand how past experiences continue to shape our emotional and physical responses—often without us fully realizing it.
Common Trauma Anniversary Symptoms
You may notice symptoms that align with those of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), as well as other emotional and physical signs that your body is remembering the trauma.
Common Reactions During Trauma Anniversaries Include:
- Avoidance of reminders (people, places, thoughts, or dates)
- Difficulty sleeping, nightmares, or insomnia
- Upset stomach, nausea, or body aches
- Flashbacks or intrusive memories
- Negative thoughts, self-blame, or guilt
- Difficulty experiencing joy or motivation
- Heightened anxiety or irritability
You may also notice other changes unique to your trauma experience. The key is to be mindful of how your mind and body feel and to reflect on what might be triggering those changes.
For a deeper dive into the physical impact of trauma, The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk is a powerful resource.
I personally work with many adoptees and those who have been through losses or traumas, and many of them notice feeling emotionally or physically “off” in the weeks or days leading up to the trauma anniversary. They might discuss feeling urges to self-harm, increased depression, or heightened anxiety, and then later realize that this could be due to their family day approaching or the anniversary of their abandonment.
Coping Strategies for Trauma Anniversaries
Coping during a trauma anniversary starts with self-awareness. Taking care of your mental and physical health regularly—not just when you’re struggling—is essential. I recommend starting by thinking about when your trauma anniversaries might be. Then think about ways that you can be taking it easy or giving yourself more grace as that date approaches.
As therapists, we like to joke that self-care isn’t just bubble baths and face masks (although those are great too!). It’s about building habits that help you stay grounded and connected to yourself. Here are some mindful coping strategies that can help during trauma anniversaries:
- Journaling: Write about how you’re feeling, track patterns, or use prompts if you’re not sure where to start.
- Body scans: Tune into how your body feels. Is your chest tight? Are your shoulders tense? Noticing these shifts can help you care for yourself more intentionally.
- Grounding techniques: Try the 5-4-3-2-1 method to anchor yourself in the present moment.
- Movement: Go for a walk, stretch, or do light exercise.
- Creative outlets: Art, music, puzzles, or even organizing can be soothing.
- Aromatherapy or calming music: Use your senses to create a calm environment.
- Connection: Spend time with pets or loved ones. For some, it’s helpful to be around people who understand (maybe it was someone who also went through that trauma with you and gets it) but for others, they need more distance from those connected to it.
- Join support groups: Especially those related to your experience or anniversary. A client of mine went through a miscarriage recently, and found that connecting with a specialized support group through Post Partum Support International for this online was helpful for healing.
It’s important to remember: these are tools to support your healing—not to avoid or suppress your feelings. The goal isn’t to erase the trauma, but to navigate the emotional wave without becoming overwhelmed by it.
Consider working with a trauma-informed therapist. They can help you process your experience, develop personalized coping tools, and work through the impact of trauma anniversaries in a safe and supportive way.
At Ellie Mental Health, we have therapists who specialize in trauma, PTSD, and grief support—and we’re here for you when trauma anniversaries feel especially heavy.
How to Support a Loved One Around a Trauma Anniversary
It’s important to recognize that you don’t need to have experienced the same trauma to show up for someone who’s struggling. Your presence and empathy go a long way.
Here Are Some Practical Things You Can Do:
- Validate their experience: Don’t minimize or try to “fix” it. A simple “That sounds really hard. I’m here if you want to talk” can be powerful.
- Check in with them: A text that says “Thinking of you” or “You holding up okay?” can mean a lot.
- Acknowledgement can be welcome for some people. Here are some ways I’ve acknowledged losses in the past for loved ones:
- “I know in the past, this time of year has been hard for you, and I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you.”
- “Since we’re approaching the anniversary of Micah’s passing, I have been thinking of you a lot.”
- “We think about Jennifer a lot this time of year, so we visited dogs at the humane society today since we know she loved it there!”
- Offer support, not assumptions: Ask, “How can I support you during this time?”
- Respect boundaries: If you know their trauma anniversary but they have said that they don’t want to talk about it, don’t bring it up directly. Instead, quietly check in or offer small gestures of care.
- Remember the date: Mark it in your calendar and reach out when it comes around. Just being mindful of it can help someone feel seen.
Your job isn’t to fix someone’s pain, but it can be helpful just to sit with them in it, without judgment.
Healing Starts with Awareness
Trauma anniversaries can sneak up on you—but when you start paying attention to your patterns, you can learn how to care for yourself more effectively.
If you notice changes in your mood, energy, or body around certain times of year, take a moment to reflect. Is there something your body is remembering? The more mindful you are, the more prepared you’ll be to cope—and the easier it becomes to find your way back to calm.
You don’t have to navigate trauma anniversaries alone. Whether you’re looking for support for yourself or someone you love, therapists at Ellie Mental Health are here to help.
