A man’s choice to consider therapy carries so much weight—a decision often shaped by societal expectations, cultural background, and internalized beliefs. Reflecting on this topic makes me think of a TV series, The Sopranos. The main character, Tony Soprano, is led to therapy after repeated fainting spells caused by panic attacks. His decision to enter therapy was filled with resistance, rooted in the therapy stigma that men who seek counseling are weak, and shaped by his cultural perceptions, where therapy was uncommon and even taboo. He feared what others would think.
When Tony revealed to his friends that he was seeing a therapist, the responses were mixed. One friend validated his decision, sharing that he had also been in therapy and found it helpful for developing coping skills. However, Tony’s nephew stormed out of the room in clear disapproval, expressing a deep aversion to therapy. Faced with that judgment, Tony felt the need to alter his reasons for seeking therapy, saying he was going for marriage counseling rather than being fully honest about his anxiety.
This moment highlights how deeply therapy stigma is embedded in male relationships and social circles, forcing men to seek more acceptable justifications for prioritizing their mental health. Yet, despite his hesitation and the pressure to manage others’ reactions, therapy proved incredibly beneficial for Tony. It helped him manage his panic attacks, understand himself and his behavioral patterns, address deep-seated issues influenced by relational and familial dynamics, improve his decision-making skills, develop coping strategies for anxiety and stress, and explore repressed memories and hidden parts of himself.
Why Men Avoid Therapy
As art imitates life, the example is reality today. One in five Americans experiences mental health challenges each year, and six million suffer from depression annually. However, men are far less likely to seek therapy than women. However, men are far less likely to seek therapy than women. According to the American Journal of Men’s Mental Health, social stigma about mental health creates a harmful belief that if you’re struggling, you must have a weak character. This misconception often leads to discrimination, avoidance, and rejection of those who are struggling. How stigma stops men from seeking counseling: this internalization of therapy stigma breeds shame, self-doubt, and disapproval of therapy, causing many men to remain stuck in silence. These findings show how many men, without mental health support, turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms instead.
Social norms around masculinity make it worse. Men are taught not to cry, not to express fear, and to avoid showing vulnerability. These expectations shape destructive beliefs that being a man means self-reliance, dominance, emotional stoicism, and fearlessness. As a result, men who deal with mental health challenges are often seen and may see themselves as broken or not strong enough. Adding to that, a distrust in the healthcare system, where some fear that seeking therapy could compromise their privacy or reputation, and the barriers become even stronger. The consequences are concerning, as men die by suicide at four times the rate of women, face higher death rates from alcohol-related issues, and are more likely to misuse drugs.
As Tony Soprano’s story reminds us, men and therapy don’t have to be at odds. Therapy isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s often a powerful path to healing, growth, and reconnection with one’s true self.
Framing Therapy as Strength and Growth
Perspective matters, especially when stepping outside your comfort zone. When you attach negative connotations to therapy, it can cause you to feel distressed, avoidant, fearful, or find yourself procrastinating. However, when you shift your mindset and associate positive meaning with therapy, you’re more likely to approach it with excitement, hope, and a sense of hope. That shift in perception can be the gateway to growth.
Adopting a growth mindset is key. Just as you might view exercise as strengthening your physical endurance, therapy can be seen as an outlet for building mental and emotional resilience. Therapy for men can serve as a powerful training ground, offering space to reflect, challenge old thought patterns, and reframe experiences as opportunities for learning, refinement, and evolution. This approach not only boosts emotional strength, but also helps you surmount anxiety, face fears with courage, and gain confidence navigating life’s complexities.
The male mental health benefits from counseling go far beyond symptom management. Therapy builds long-term mental endurance, self-awareness, and adaptability which are great for navigating life transitions, relationships and partnerships, and career life.
On a positive note, the cultural mindset is already shifting: from 2002 to 2023, men’s participation in therapy nearly doubled from 8.7% to 17.1%. That rise shows a powerful movement toward normalization, as more men recognize the mental health benefits from counseling and embrace therapy as a tool instead of a weakness for strength, growth, and longevity.
Starting the Conversation
I get it– talking about therapy can be intimidating. When you’re preparing to start a conversation about mental health, perspective and compassion matter most. According to one of our other articles, simply expressing care honestly and authentically can make all the difference in how to ask a man to go to therapy. Let’s dive into some other therapy conversation tips:
One gentle and effective approach is using “I” statements, a clear communication tool where you share observations without judgment. For example, “I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter lately, and I’m wondering how you’re doing.” It is important to avoid judgement or jumping to solutions. Instead, invite open dialogue with normalizing phrases like, “It’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed. How are you holding up?” This approach is rooted in empathy, curiosity, and nonjudgment which creates a safe space for men to be emotionally vulnerable. It also lays the groundwork for offering therapy support, such as helping find a therapist, researching options together, or discussing steps to support a partner in seeing a counselor. Gentle encouragement paired with active listening can be the first step toward healing.
Practical Support
Let’s talk about some steps to support a partner in seeing a counselor. Offering support can make a big difference when encouraging a man to seek therapy. One helpful approach is researching therapists together, which can ease the pressure of navigating the process alone. In addition, offering to clear small tasks off his plate, for example, assisting with errands or adjusting schedules to create space for therapy sessions. These practical acts of care show active therapy support, how to help someone find a therapist, and make sure that they feel supported during their therapeutic journey. Making small, intentional steps to support your partner in seeing a therapist can remove emotional barriers like shame, anxiety, judgment, or doubt—making the journey feel less overwhelming.
